Biblitz delivers advise

ASK Biblitz about Relationships 101 (Basic Training)

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What does it mean when a guy moves you so you're lying down between his legs

Biblitz replies:

It means you are dating a rube with no manners or subtlety in the gentle art of persuasion and/or that he thinks you somehow do not deserve any better. ... What do YOU think? DO you deserve any better?


What helps you get over an ex?

any ideas? im having a hard time.

Biblitz replies:

A new love, of course!

How can I stop thinking about ex?

Its been over a year ago now that she left me, And it wasn't in good terms. It was rough. But here i am a year later still thinking about her, What can i do to stop this?, Its like my life is on stand still because of this.

Biblitz replies:

If you weren't married or living as married, your extended grief may be a sign that there is something deeper at issue. It's never a bad idea to debrief on a primary relationship you'd describe as 'rough.' What made it so, I wonder, and how did it get there? Clearly, all this is indeed holding you up. So go explore with a professional. There is no time like the present to discover/unlearn unhealthy patterns in relationships.


How should we resolve our love triangle?

me and my girlfriend jen have been best friends for a while now, until we met ray.. everything changed. at first ray liked jen, and i had no problem with that considering i had no feelings for ray, i even tried to get them together. but jen wasn't that into him. me and ray then became very close, we became like best friends, and jen and i started arguing alot. i asked her if she had feelings for him, she said no (although she did seem iffy) me and ray hung out all the time, every day.. we were so tight. jen and i were constantly fighting. ray and i eventually ended up hooking up, and i told her about it because she was my best friend from way before. i think she was a little upset about it, she told me she had feelings for him all along. and after me and him hooked up, she told him that she had feelings for him. that pissed me off because it felt like she was trying to screw with his head, especially after i just told her how much i liked him and that we hooked up. long story short, he moved to washington after school ended me and jen didnt speak for the whole summer. but now we're finally ready to put the past behind us and give our friendship another chance. but despite ray's absence, he's still in the picture. we both talk to him. he's my best friend but i'm in love with him he's also a little bit of a player, and after all thats happened, i dont know if i can trust jen when it comes to ray. what do i do? i feel just as if history is going to repeat itself..should i trust her? should i tell her that i think he's the one?

Biblitz replies:

You sound like you're all about 14 and living an old Joni Mitchell song called Conversation. The conflicts you describe are precisely what one can expect when one has not yet learned the first rule of romance (class, actually) - NEVER kiss and tell. The overarching law is, of course, all is fair in love and war. Means your 'friends' are also equally fundamentally your competitors. That's how it works. If you don't want your competitors chasing down your prey, learn to shut the ---- up! It's that simple.

... Not an especially sensitive soul, are you? One would have thought this stuff is Basic Social Skills 101.


How might I ignite the spark under this new relationship, which seems to be in danger of expiring?

Please help me? This situation is killing me. I'm in a long distance relationship. I lives in indonesia , and he lives in california. i know our distance is quite far . Im not sure either this relationship can work out. But its been almost 3 weeks , suddenly he just wont talk to me. i texted him , and he wont text me back and tell me whats goin on. I remember about 3-4 months ago , he wants both of us to move on. and he also told me , i need to stop loving him cause hes not worth it. i know he is sometimes seems like a heartless person. i dont know why. but i just surely likes him the way he is. and today is my birthday. and still another no response. no text, no phone calls. im so confused. i raised in the states , but i need to live here cause my dad just getting old . and i have a duty to take care of him. but on the other side, i had a hard time to adapt with people around me in this country. i've been depressed since i got here. im pretty sad so bad over him and myself. im all alone. what do you think guys? what should i do?

Biblitz replies:

Why is 'this situation' 'killing' you? Situation sounds like a mythical relationship with no real-time basis - something you've picked up like a flu bug on the Internet. Flu bug has had his fictional way with you for awhile and, like real-life BFs, he's finished with you and ready to move on. What's to understand? What about this rejection ISN'T clear? Best advice is to stop suffering over something that never was and focus on the place where you are currently. Indonesia is hugely populated/cosmopolitan. Go see the sights in the off-hours when you're not with pop and see who you find. Take up diving, maybe. You're certainly in prime location for it, or so I'm told.


Who does this guy really like?

okay heres the thing--- i like this guy named tom for 5 years..... he has been my friend for like ever..... we never were boyfriend and girlfriend or anything... he just started going out with my friend sammi..... she new that i liked him and went out with him anyway....... me and tom seem like he is my boyfriend because we hold hands, i sit on his lap, we hold each other, he flirts with me, and he goes to my house every single day........... i know that he likes sammie a lot..... but i think he is just using her to just having a girlfriend.... oh yeah did i mention that he kept bugging to kiss me and i kept saying no because he is going out with sammie and plus his girlfriend told him to!!!!!!!!!!! what is up with that I JUST NEED TO KNOW IF HE LIKES ME OR NOT BECAUSE HE IS CONFUSING ME AND HE KNOWS THAT I LIKE HIM AND I TOLD HIM HOW I FELT MILLIONS OF TIMES

Biblitz replies:

Is it him you like or his various behaviors demonstrating that he likes you?

Is it you he likes or are you just another oppty to press his sexual suit?

Is the fun here in being with the guy or telling your social circle about it that they may acknowledge your superior socio-sexual status (a power trip)?

Your narrative suggests all of the above.



A Portrait of the Animal World


By Lee Server

Found mainly in in eastern Russia and in parts of China and Korea, the Siberian tiger has been severely endangered by poachers (just as good manners have become endangered by the invasion of the vulgarians in modern culture). However, since 1994, Operation Amba, a group of concerned Russian conservationists, has been extremely effective in combatting this problem and tiger numbers have increased. The score to date: tigers 1, courtship -100 and falling! (Cutline below the photo, p. 4, interspersed with commentary by Biblitz)

What should I do?

I was assaulted by my bf he assumed i was cheating on him but i was not just read into my phone and jumped to conclusions without letting me explain.I reported it to the police they see it as a minor assault. He pleaded not guilty when he was arrested and questioned and is due back to give another side of his story he is due back to the station in a week. I just dnt understand how he cud lie and say i did it to myslf. Spoke to him a after a gd while since it happened to see what he had to say bt no sign of him saying yeah i hit you although he keeps saying im sorry please forgive me. Dnt see why he wont own up to it and come clean that he hit me.He is saying he loves me he is saddened to think that i think he did do it on purpose.

Im scared of going to court if it does reach that point never been here before dont want to see him go jail ill just feel so guilty stupid i know but i really loved him dont see how he could have done such a thing so unlike him.

What charge will he get for a minor assualt? what are his chances of getting jailed?should i go to court? they have some evidence and witnesses when it happened.

Biblitz replies:

Your partner in a romantic relationship hauled off and pasted you one such that police have charged him and now YOU feel guilty.

... Can you see what's wrong with this scenario?

Before you consider allowing bf back in your life, visit an experienced therapist/counsellor to see if you can find out why you're somehow drawn to toxic relationships and how you might break the pattern and live free.


Should my sister get a divorce or stay with this man?

My sister is 44 years old and a very successful professional. She had been married to a man we thought was the ideal, wonderful husband. He was so attentive to her, loved and adored her and was so good to our family. Funny, witty and himself a successful career person. Now my sister says he has an anger problem and an alcohol problem. He would sometimes yell at her and and after drinking at night would manipulate her to have sex when she does not want to (plead, whine and beg and not let her sleep). Sometimes he would raise his voice and would withhold affection for 3-4 days. She tried to take him to counseling and he did not want that. Lately she is doing better than him at the job and he is not taking it well. they disagree and argue over everything. They are good looking together and are financially doing very good (no children). She is torn between wanting to divorce him and staying with him for all other good qualities. Also she is thinking of the hardships of being 44 and single. 13 years with him had spoiled her much (he did all the bills etc.) How should I advice her?

Biblitz replies:

Yes, it's a shame people who LOOK so good together can't get along. ... So tough to find another with the same good look. .... Oh, what to do. And then there's the book-keeping expertise she'll miss. ...

What a deeply weird set of parameters by which to judge a relationship!

If it's true that he has drinking, anger issues and prefers to resolve disputes by withholding affection, it strikes me that this guy has but one use to his partner: accounting services. Explain to sis that she could, in fact, contract out for this like much of the world does esp at tax time!

You can't force anyone to counselling or even to see a problem they do not wish to see or confront. All sis can do is decide how much she's willing to put up with and for how long. Not acting/confronting, though, suggests to spouse that everything's OK. TinyTeaman