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We just got back together, we dated for 8 years. He says that he wants to be completely ready to be with me, but that he thinks
he might have a sexual addiction problem...that he has urges to be with other women. He loves me and wants to be with me forever,
but doesn't know why he feels this way. He has even told me that he wants to go to counselling for this.
I dont know what to do or think. Guys...have you ever felt this way? Or watch porn? Is this normal for all guys to go
through? I love this guy soo much and we want to be married one day...I just feel that he needs to open up to me more and this
is more of a psychological issue than a sexual issue. Does anyone have serious thoughts/advice?
Biblitz replies:
Gosheroo! Lucky you! You've got sex addict not only willing but wanting to go to counselling to address his dysfunction!
What right thing did you do in a previous life, one wonders? Well done!
The answer is YES! Legions of even quite young men are becoming obsessive-compulsive masturbators as a result of easy
access to - ugh! - porn! The poor old feminists and sociologists rally with all the
old arguments that seem to get purged/overwhelmed by the vulgarians every five or so years. Today, alas, they are collectively but a voice in the
wilderness - very hard to hear above the roar of the sex-slave trade now at an all-time historical high.
It's a cruel industry that is still trying to put over the myth despite all the evidence to the contrary that men are
somehow 'sexier' than women and need this stuff. Ultimately, porn pretty quickly turns guys into sexually dysfunctional wankers
who need Viagra at 25 to get it up with a real woman!
To all of these gyrating hobbyists, it's important to mention that EACH click on a porn site proliferates the
brutalization of sex trade victims languishing worldwide while enriching their captors!
So, yes. Let him work it all out himself before you decide to make a bigger commitment. And make sure it is really and
truly over when he says it is or you'll be in for a lonely ride.
Good luck. You'll both need it. If you need more information, do email the contacts at the link above. All are very
responsive and vocal about this problem!
Hey Leo,
I caught my husband masturbating and I've told him that if he's in the mood he should find me. I don't see if I'm
available he can't just come over and seduce me, after all I like sex too. For some reason I just don't like the idea of him
masturbating now that we're married. I suppose I should be more open to the idea but that's just the way I feel. We have sex
4-5 times a week so if he's masturbating those other 2-3 days in the week why don't we just go back to having sex everyday like
our first 2 years married.
Biblitz replies:
As with bowel movements, one would prefer not to have to bear witness to these rather private gyrations. Surely that's not
asking too much. Still, as long as you find him a tender lover and he doesn't seem to require any
pig-dog stimulus designed to enrich the sex-slave industry, you should probably
leave him alone. You are, after all, his liberator, not his jailer.
Dear Leo,
Do you think that, as a one-of, participating in a three-some with your husband (with a stranger that you will never see
again, not a friend) would lead down a slippery slope and to cheating and an open marriage? If you only do it once?
Biblitz replies:
Yes! ... Very dangerous unless you want your intimate life to go this sideways on a permanent basis. If you do, you will
without a doubt sacrifice anything in the way of true intimacy sexually and become mere objects/tools for one another's sexual
use. The repercussions of this in your marriage would be, well, just as you can imagine. It's really rather imprudent esp
healthwise to sleep with anyone one wouldn't like to wake up with the next day. Unless, of course, one is a bison or lion or
something like that that also eats its whelps occasionally. ... Will that be next in your fantasies, one wonders?
Paperback
By Laura Gold
... A major novel appearing in a trickle would hold readers for several months, with the hope that they would get used to the paper's other features and remain loyal afterwards. The lure of a new sensational novel was often used to advertise the paper itself. And sensational is the word for this Steinlen poster advertising installments of White Slavery. It depicts a heartless pimp with threee of his victims. One is arguing passionately for her freedom, one seems resigned to her fate, and one is in utter despair. ... (-- p. 66)
By John Berger
To be born a woman has been to be born, within an allotted and confined space, into the keeping of men. The social presence of
women has developed as a result of their ingenuity in living under such tutelage within such a limited space. But this has been
at the cost of a woman's self being split into two. A woman must continually watch herself. She is almost continually accompanied
by her own image of herself. Whilst she is walking across a room or whilst she is weeping at the death of her father, she can
scarcely avoid envisaging herself walking or weeping. From earliest childhood she has been taught and persuaded to survey
herself continually.
And so she comes to consider the surveyor and the surveyed within her as the two constituent yet always distrinct elements
of her identity as a woman.
She has to survey everything she is and everything she does because how she appears to others, and ultimately how she
appears to men, is of crucial importance for what is normally thought of as the success of her life. Her own sense of being in
herself is supplanted by a sense of being appreciated as herself by another. ...
One might simplify this by saying: men act and women appear. Men look at women. Women watch themselves being looked at. This
determines not only most relations between men and woman but also the relation of women to themselves. The surveyor of woman in
herself is male: the surveyed female. Thus she turns herself into an object - and most particularly an object of vision: a
sight. (-- pgs. 46-47)
