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ASK Biblitz about Body Image.

'Put the names of the uncles in a hat, put the names of the punters in another hat, draw a name from the first hat, draw a name from the second hat, and the holder of the fattest uncle scooped the jackpot.'


WELCOME!

Is he trying to keep me fat?

See also Fitness and Obesity

Hey Leo,
Workout Routines and Exercises
I've been with my boyfriend for a while... I have some weight on me ..I'm curvy, I have hips, a butt and I'm busty. I've been working out lately to get my body in the best shape possible.n My boyfriend says he loves the curves and he shows it...but something is just weird. I asked him what his type was when he was before (he's 25, I'm 22) (we're each others first "serious" relationship) he told me he was into really skinny girls. I even find all his fav female celebs or models are all pretty much stick thin... lacking any type of real curve.

It just really is weird since he says one thing but then I don't know if he actually means it. How can his "type" change just like that but yet everyone else who he finds attractive is so thin? When I tell himk I'm trying to lose weight he also gets upset like he wants to keep me bigger? I don't get it.... is there some osrt os subconscious thing going on?

Biblitz replies:

Not enough info here. How exactly does he indicate what you perceive as control aimed at keeping you 'bigger'? Sounds from this like YOU are the one responding the cultural imperative (see - ugh! porn - to emulate a certain body type, one that may soon become the subject of some very interesting fat litigation!

How does this 'control' actually manifest itself in your relationship?

TinyTeaman

How can i tell my husband he's too fat?

i love my husband......he is a wonderful man, an excellent provider and father. i am, however, put off by the weight he's been putting on. he has a 'fat gene' in his family, one sister even had the lap band done. his mother was morbidly obese. i have watched him over the years go from burly to just plain fat. honestly, it's disturbing. one, its plum not healthy, for two, i cant even make love to him, i just dont want to. i work out and stay fit, he only occasionaly hits the gym. i need to get my point across w/out being too harsh. any advice?
Workout Routines and Exercises
Biblitz replies:

Do for gawd's sake NOT show him the ASK Biblitz.com page on obesity! Obesity, forsooth!

Aside from that, you would be well advised to stop providing unhealthy snacks and make wonderful intimate occasions of Mediterranean-based meals, the healthiest despite the odd dawb of butter and olive oil. Make sure eating at your house is a pleasant social experience and not medication for something that requires rather different attention. Ultimately, the question is whether the eating is filling some void that would be more effectively filled by counselling or tennis or gambling or model railroading, say.

It's wrong, of course, to suggest exploiting the poor man among your women friends for commercial purposes. Still ...

A Few Quick Ones

Paperback
By P.G. Wodehouse

Although he had never mentioned it to anybody, feeling that it was but an idle daydream and not whithin the sphere of practical politics, the idea of having a Fat Uncles sweepstake at the Drones Club had long been in Freddie Widgeon's mind, such as it was. Himself the possessor of one of the fattest uncles in London - Rodney, Lord Blicester - he had noticed how many of his fellow members had fat uncles, too, and he felt it a sad waste of good material not to make these the basis of a sporting contest similar, though on a smaller scale, to those in operation in Ireland and Calcutta.

Perfectly simple, the mechanics of the thing. Put the names of the uncles in a hat, put the names of the punters in another hat, draw a name from the first hat, draw a name from the second hat, and the holder of the fattest uncle scooped the jackpot. No difficulty there.

But there was a catch, and a very serious one - to wit, the problem of how to do the weighing. He could not, for instance, go to Lord Blicester and say "Would you mind just stepping on this try-your-weight machine for a moment, Uncle Rodney? It is essential to satisfy the judges that you are fatter than the Duke of Dunstable." At least, he could, but there woud be questions asked, and explanations would lead to pique, bad feeling and possibly the stopping of a much-needed allowance. It was, in short, an impasse, and he had come to look on the scheme as just another of those things which, though good, cannot be pushed along, when, coming into the bar one morning, he found an animated group assembled there and as he entered heard McGarry, the man behind the counter, say "Ten stone three". Upon which, there was a burst of hearty cheering and, enquiring the reason for this enthusiasm, he was informed that McGarry had revealed an unsuspected talent. He was able to tell the weight of anything from a vegetable marrow to a Covent Garden tenor just by looking at it. (From The Fat of the Land, p. 1)

TinyTeaman

The New York Times Magazine

Her Beautiful Mind

Questions for Susie Orbach
The psychologist talks about how the Western body became a global brand, whether she treated Princess Diana and why Cleopatra wasn't image-obsessed.

By Deborah Solomon
March 8/09

Workout Routines and Exercises

... "Body hatred," as you call it, has become a leading Western export. Young women in South Korea are undergoing surgery to Westernize the appearance of their eyelids. It's supported by their parents. They don't experience this as a terrible thing, that they're being passive victims and idiots. They see it as a chance at modernity. Fiji is the country where 11.3 per cent of girls were bent over the toilet bowl three years after television was introduced.

Do you believe there is actually a direct connection between watching a show like Gossip Girl and developing bulimia?

Yes, the girls were trying to remake their bodies in the shape of skinny Western bodies. In general, the Western body has become a global brand.

You've publicly expressed an interest in suing Weight Watchers.

Yes. Fifi, which is what I call my book Fat Is a Feminist Issue, was in part a plea to give up dieting and learn to recognize hunger and appetite and respond to them. Dieting, I argued, caused compulsive eating and destabilizes our relationship to food.

In what way?

If you continually diet, you are putting your body in a quasi-famine situation. It slows your metabolism down and breaks the thermostat. Diets don't work. They don't help you understand why you're eating more than your body wanted in the first place. ...

Do you believe that men are biologically inclined to favor unwrinkled flesh?

Actually, I don't buy that myth. I think most men crave intimacy, connection and interest, and one of the painful aspects of life today is that women are encouraged to turn to quite dramatic cosmetic procedures in the face of loss. (-- p. 13)


Is your sweetie self-medicating with food an illness or emptiness meriting rather different attention?

Ways of Seeing

Paperback
By John Berger

To be born a woman has been to be born, within an allotted and confined space, into the keeping of men. The social presence of women has developed as a result of their ingenuity in living under such tutelage within such a limited space. But this has been at the cost of a woman's self being split into two. A woman must continually watch herself. She is almost continually accompanied by her own image of herself. Whilst she is walking across a room or whilst she is weeping at the death of her father, she can scarcely avoid envisaging herself walking or weeping. From earliest childhood she has been taught and persuaded to survey herself continually.

And so she comes to consider the surveyor and the surveyed within her as the two constituent yet always distrinct elements of her identity as a woman.

She has to survey everything she is and everything she does because how she appears to others, and ultimately how she appears to men, is of crucial importance for what is normally thought of as the success of her life. Her own sense of being in herself is supplanted by a sense of being appreciated as herself by another. ...

One might simplify this by saying: men act and women appear. Men look at women. Women watch themselves being looked at. This determines not only most relations between men and woman but also the relation of women to themselves. The surveyor of woman in herself is male: the surveyed female. Thus she turns herself into an object - and most particularly an object of vision: a sight. (-- pgs. 46-47)