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WELCOME!

Why is it that only married women are told what they should do to keep their husbands happy and at home - and most of the advice centers on sex?

Hey Biblitz,

Sex - the amount of it, the quality of it, etc. Women place a lot of emotional significance on intimacy, so why aren't men being told what to do to make their wives WANT to have sex with them?

Biblitz replies:

The reason is simply that we are overrun by the vulgarians, who seek commerce from what is most personal and prized to us. They invaded while women were busy throwing off cumbersome underwear and entering the careers sector. You're right! Don't let them win! SHOUT from the rafters for intimacy, the only thing anyone really wants in a relationship! See How do I get my wife to love me again? for more on how to create intimacy even when the end seems near.

TinyTeaman

How should I tell my cousin I'm talking to her ex?

Hey Biblitz,

Her and her boyfriend have only been dating for only like a month. He wanted to break up with her but then she ended up breaking up with him because she said he was wack. And my other cousin doesn't have respect for him cuz she doesn't like him and her sister says hes a nice guy and I think so too. It's been 4 to 5 months since they broke up and I just started talking to him and he told me how he feels about me and I told him about how I feel about him. Now we've been talking for a week and he wants me to say something about it because he doesn't want this secret to continue so im planning to talk to her. But I don't know what to say to my cousin! Help me out pleasee. I wanna talk to her about it but I don't know what to say to her.

Biblitz replies:

Be lighthearted about it! Laugh about the spoils you enjoy in the line of fire as she casts off her rejects, reminding her that one man's poison is another man's pleasure. Ask her, too, if there are any others on her immediate horizon about to be given the raspberry. This way you assuage her fragile ego and enjoy your kill - not unlike the brave little tailor. Of course, you might have to take one or two snide ones about 'sloppy seconds,' but one must learn to take the rough with the smooth! Life after all is not for pleasure alone.

TinyTeaman

Screwed-up life. Please help?

hi. everything in my life seems to be going wrong!!!! i just found out that my best friend likes the guy i like. The guy i like is totally mad at me and i have no idea why. My teacher is out to get me, he fails me on every assignment. everything just seems so out of place. what should i do? please help!!

Biblitz replies:

Scroll through the Will to Win and the Poker Pulse Gambler's Study Guide, esp. tip #5 on rating the teacher. Do please read the excellent riff by the legendary Woody Guthrie under 8. (b):

I hate a song that makes you think you're not any good. I hate a song that makes you think you are just born to lose. Bound to lose. No good to nobody. No good for nothing. Because you are either too old or too young or too fat or too slim or too ugly or too this or too that...Songs that run you down or songs that poke fun of you on account of your bad luck or your hard traveling. I am out to fight these kinds of songs to my very last breath of air and my last drop of blood. I am out to sing songs that will prove to you that this is your world and that if it has hit you pretty hard and knocked you for a dozen loops, no matter how hard it's run you down nor rolled over you, no matter what color, what size you are, how you are built, I am out to sing the songs that make you take pride in yourself and your work. And the songs I sing are made up for the most part by all sorts of folks just about like you.

... Better?

TinyTeaman

Who do I love - boyfriend or best friend?

Okay, so I'm totally confused on my feelings now. I love my guy bestfriend, we're really super close and I can tell him anything and everything, and I feel completely comfortable with him. He tells me I'm beautiful even when I look bad and is jokingly romantic with me, but sometimes it feels to realistic.. And then there's my boyfriend, who I have really great feelings for, but we've only been going out for a week and I reallyyyy like him a LOT. We're getting closer and closer and I wana be with him. But he's not romantic and he's not very affectionate/passionate. For example, I know that my bestfriend would do anything with me, (like dance in the rain) and when I asked my boyfriend if he would, he juss said "I think I'll have to pass".So maybe there's something wrong with our relationship, or is it just that I'm closer to my bestfriend, obviously.. ? Should I wait it out or is it already an obvious future.... HELP pleaseee!!

Biblitz replies:

Much depends on how important it is to you for your BF to 'dance in the rain' with you.




Are you someone who needs to establish dominance in a relationship - i.e., you're the one who says when you'll meet and what activities you'll pursue - or is emotional honesty somehow anathema to romance/sex, hence the confusion? Many, MANY women are victims of a patriarchal culture and learn to associate fear with sex appeal. Quite often the buzz women feel early in a relationship is not love at all but fear (of abuse/abandonment, etc.) 'Mere' friendship and shows of demonstrated emotional commitment to these people are somehow not enough. It comes from having to make a meal out of crumbs in life, basically. It's especially pronounced in women from families where pop was esp powerful/scary or perceived in that way. Happily, it's possible to break the connection, with work, therapy, etc. Something to think about, anyway.

youngWoman

Miss Manners Rescues Civilization

From Sexual Harassment, Frivolous Lawsuits, Dissing and Other Lapses in Civility

Hardcover
By Judith Martin
With illustrations by Daniel Mark Duffy


"You know he's only saying what everyone is thinking but doesn't dare say."

"Oh, come on, she's not saying anything you haven't heard before."


Miss Manners has heard both of these statements so often lately that she may get to the point where she prefers the bigotry or vulgarity that invariably precedes them. Almost, but not quite. The idea that there should be no safety mechanism between the thought and the word has never appealed to her. You show her someone who incessantly condemns hypocrisy, euphemism and circumlocution and she will show you someone who is up to no good. ...

What appalls her is the defense of such statements as truthfully representing what people think. Very likely they do. But so what? That it is only human nature to harbor ugly, harmful ideas, some of which may be deeply rooted prejudices, does not even surprise her. However, the belief that these thoughts might therefore just as well be let loose in the world to spread their damage, or that there is actually something courageous about expressing them, will drive her to order smelling salts by the case. (From the chapter entitled, The Good, the bad and the Vulgar, pgs. 362-364)

Just a joke. Or is it?