Biblitz delivers advise

Biblitz on Dating.


WELCOME!

Is he just using me for sex?

Hey Leo,

i have a feeling that hes still with his wife. hes told me that he was divorced, and that hes going to court for some of his things. well anyways we went out a few times, he came over to my house recently. and he always asks to come over in the morning (around 9AM) cause apparently he has alot of things to do in the afternoon. one time i asked him if i could come over to HIS house and he totally dodged the question. his username is DIRTYBIRD and doesnt that mean he sleeps around? so he could be just using me for sex and all that crap? blahh oh and i asked him if he ever cheated on one of his girlfriends or on his wife, and he said that he cheated on his wife because she cheated on him. (could it be that he cheated on his wife with me!?).. if it matters.. im 18, hes 27 and he has a 10 month old son. and im aware that i posted this yesterday, i just need more opinions before i ask him about this.. thanks

Biblitz replies:

An Internet moniker is in no way indicative of anything at all! There are no rules about this, as everyone should know by now. Anyone can supply any name they like, which is why the Web is rife with sexual predators! Like this guy of yours, for instance. He asks to come over in the morning OBVIOUSLY! because he's concealing his domestic arrangements. Duh! He keeps on coming to you because you think so little of yourself, you make yourself available to him whenever he likes, demanding nothing at all - not even a reasonable courtship that includes evening festivities. Courtship rituals allow parties to investigate one another for all the information you haven't got.

Free advice: Demand a few dinners as well as evening and afternoon phone calls to establish true and AUTHENTIC intimacy before providing sexual favors. And get yourself a few self-help books on women and self-esteem. Those who demand nothing of a relationship usually get it - in the teeth!

TinyTeaman

I give him everything. Why won't he marry me?

What-ho, Leo,

My long-term boyfriend will not ask me to marry him. I have read many articles on judging when/if your man is thinking of proposing. My conclusion is, MY man of 5+ years and I have a healthy relationship, we love each other's families, we live together, we're happy together, and heís planning a future with me by building a house and wanting me to sign it with him. However, due to my own personal beliefs, I will not sign unless we're married. That is the issue. He tells me he isnít ready. I asked him why, and he will not give me a reason. He just won't. We've talked about it any which way you can think of. Now I am beginning to feel like the reason is ME, he doesn't want to marry me but he loves me and therefor is happy just being my boyfriend. My feelings are slowly going to turn to resentment, I just feel it. Marriage is a deal-breaker to me. Nothing to do with having or not having kids, more that it is because I was raised (so was he) that when two people love each other so much that they cannot imagine being with anyone else, ever. I feel like I love him more than he loves me, which is why the resentment will soon follow. Any thoughts? Again, we have talked about EVERYTHING numerous times and this is going nowhere. We're both mid-20s.

Biblitz replies:

You give him everything he wants w/o demanding much in return. Now he's asking you to participate in what is for most of us the biggest financial transaction in life - a house - without offering much of a stake, if any, in it. Of COURSE you feel resentful and of COURSE he's resisting any change. He's got a terrific power-over relationship that's so far been OK with you. The real question for you is, why has it been OK? Clearly, marriage is a priority for you as it is for so many, no doubt for similar reasons.

You would be well advised to speak to family law atty about your rights in this relationship v. rights if you were married. Never a bad idea to get info/take steps to protect your interests. He's certainly got HIS ducks in a row.

Nor is there any shame in demanding a more substantial financial stake in the arrangement via marriage. Marriage, after all, is primarily a financial partnership and one that makes good sense for child-rearing. A guy you live with who tries to make you feel bad about discussing assets and asset mgmt is telling you he doesn't intend to share. Keep asking yourself, is that OK with me? Am I a self-respecting woman or the doormat he wipes his feet on sometimes?

TinyTeaman

How long does it take to get over a broken heart?

Hey, Leo,

How long did it take you to get over a broken heart? going through it and was wondering how long it takes?

Biblitz replies:

I think each of us has one (possibly two or three) who got away and we think warmly of them each time we love. It's never the same, of course, but if we truly loved, we usually give the can another kick when oppty presents.

TinyTeaman

What would you do if you discovered your fiance had been cheating?

I was on my boyfriend's computer last week and I saw that he use to talk to all type of women online... (I know to some it's not considered cheating but I think it's disgusting) especially when he was lying about being in a relationship, really getting close to them, tons of compliments, going on cam and who knows what else??? This was a little less than a year ago... but it's so ridiculous. It was like he wasn't happy with me so he had to go else where... I have no idea what I'm suppose to do. I want to know what you would do if you saw all this? I know ppl will say "it's the past forget it" but it was a lot and I feel really disgusted and humiliated! Just recently engaged.

Biblitz replies:

Now you're aware of a FEW of the deceptive practices you can expect if you hitch your wagon to this lesser constellation in the heavens. Perhaps you were unable to observe him fully until now because of the blinding light exuded by the many glittering others, who would no doubt treat you much better! ... Keep fishing.

TinyTeaman


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Tapestry of Dreams

Charles Aznavour

Audio CD

Featuring We Can Never Know (On Ne Sait Jamais), a Biblitz favorite with typically legendary lyrics by the French-Armenian master.


We Can Never Know (On Ne Sait Jamais)

By Charles Aznavour


We can never know
How love takes over every heart
He weaves a tapestry of dreams
We don't see him play his part
But all at once we're born again
And there's no time to wonder why
When every moment we're so torn with feeling
We just laugh or cry

We can never know
When love will wave his magic strings
And only fools sit back and analyse
The miracle it brings
We just give in to every pang
Of sweet desire
As it grows and say, "Well,
Who cares if no one ever knows

We can never know
If love will fade or stay as strong
What can we do but trust the future
Even though we may be wrong
We'll have a memory to warm us
And share a secret sense of pride
Just knowing love came in to touch us
And we didn't try to hide

We can never know What love will do from day to day
Sometimes he'll offer hope with one hand
While the other pulls away
But when there's nothing left at all
Another love will come to us
And lead us to a new beginning We'll have a chance of winning
Maybe, but no one ever knows

Sing along with Judy: