Biblitz delivers advise

ASK Biblitz about Baking Bread.

Persevere until you can hold one end and dangle it as if it were a tire of newly-excised belly fat.


WELCOME!

Local merchants are now demanding $4 a loaf for bread that's only mediocre. Any suggestions?

Hey Leo,

Since I lost my job and few are hiring workers over 35 anymore, I find I can no longer afford even basics. While I await 'pie in the sky' in the form of a job, can you give me a bread recipe that doesn't require an expensive machine or take more than a day to prepare? My spaghetti sauce is passable, I suppose, but that about wraps it up for my repertoire, I'm afraid. All tips gratefully received!

Biblitz replies:

Yes, I see what you mean. P.T. Barnums all, these merchants, it seems. Well, never mind all that. Follow the Biblitz Bread Method and you'll eat better while saving a bundle.

TinyTeaman

The Biblitz Basic Bread Recipe

Attend a 'big box' retail outlet to purchase one giant sack of no name brand unbleached white flour, a big package of active yeast, white sugar, a box of sea salt and a sack of no name brand whole wheat flour.

Put a heaping tablespoon of the yeast in a 2-cup measuring cup with a tablespoon of white sugar in 1/2 cup of warm-hot water and stir it up fast as if you meant it to sting! Then go open a beer and rejoin the poker game while the mess foams up - about 10-12 minutes.

While admiring the foamy contents of the measuring cup which should have doubled or even tripled, measure out 3-1/2 cups of the unbleached flour in a giant bowl along with a cup of whole wheat flour and a tablespoon of the salt. Mix with a tough wooden spoon, keeping an eye on all that foam still bubbling like billy-o.

Pour the foaming contents of measuring cup into the flour mixture then add another cup or so of more warm-hot water. Stir with the wooden spoon until it's all you can do to scrape the sides of the bowl. When that happens, spread a couple handfulls of the unbleached flour on the countertop, then scrape the contents of the bowl onto the flour and summon your higher self. This is the intimidating bit, I'm afraid.

Have a strengthening pull on the beer, roll up sleeves and confidently, if you can manage it, dip your mitts into the melange. The object here is to gather up the stuff into a sort of dough ball that one then pushes with the flat palms, turning it over and over and generally giving it a few of the best for about eight minutes. The dough should be moist but not damp. This could mean a lot of adding a bit more flour, then a bit more warm water and so on until lesser men quiver and give up. Don't. Persevere until you can hold one end and dangle it as if it were a tire of newly-excised belly fat. When you have achieved this astonishing feat, fold it into a ball, oil it and the giant bowl with a thin slathering of olive oil and place the ball in the centre of the bowl, covering the top with a piece of plastic wrap. Then pour yourself a bracer and rejoin the poker game. You're good for at least two hours.

About two hours later, the dough will have magically doubled. Turn it out on the floured counter. Fold it in half, then in half again, forming it loosely into a ball. Replace it in the bowl and recover the top with the plastic. Have a revivifying beer and return to the game for another two hours.

When you return, the dough will again have doubled. Turn out very gently on the floured counter. Take a knife and divide it into three oval balls. Place the balls on a lightly greased baking sheet. Sprinkle with flour and slash each oval three times to allow for still more of the rising business. Cover with plastic wrap lightly and return to the game. You're good for another one or two hours.

When you return, preheat oven to 425 F and bake for about 20-25 minutes with a candle burning safely near oven to burn off any smoke.

The bad news: Each oven is different as is each batch of dough. You have to use your nose and look in occasionally to see it's not burning. If it seems to be burning and there's still lots of baking time, lower oven temp and spritz the loaves with water placed in a spritzer for this purpose.

The good news: Few things smell better than bread baking and - wonder of wonders - without chemical preservatives, the bread tastes and lasts much better than the local merchants'.

TinyTeaman

How do I appeal an application for food stamps and HEAP?

Heap Program and Food Stamps question...Please help! I recently applied for Heap program and for the Food stamps because my spouse lost his job and was on unemployment benefits and i am in school....but as soon as i submitted my application with prof of income(letter from Dept of Labor), our benefits were terminated...so we basically left with no income at all, plus we have to pay back what we were given before (not our fault)...We have 2 little babies..is it possible to resubmit the application and tell them that we have no income at all?

What do i do now? I'm so depressed..How am i going to pay for the apartment? My spouse wont have a job until it gets worm (may?)

Biblitz replies:

Scroll through HEAP material here, including an estimator to see if you qualify and you should. Contact info included. Call them! Ask, too, if there might be other similar programs for which you'd qualify and, if so, ask for contact info. If no joy, write a short note to political rep explaining the urgency of your situation. They need to know how bad it is out there and quite often will seek assistance on your behalf. Tell Biblitz if you require any assistance drafting such a flame. Tough but sensitive, that's our motto here.

outOfBounds

Early chefs assemble to test the astoundingly simple Biblitz Basic Bread Recipe

Oh, yes, you can, too, make your own perfectly respectable bread with nothing more than flour, yeast, a dash of sugar and salt and your own two hands! These boys on the bombing range have the right idea. Get your aprons, boys. A family like an army runs on its stomach!

Here are the boys earlier in the day, preparing for battle:


The Preacher and the Slave

By Joe Hill

You will eat, bye and bye,
In that glorious land above the sky;
Work and pray, live on hay,
You'll get pie in the sky when you die

And the Starvation Army they play,
And they sing and they clap and they pray,
Till they get all your coin on the drum,
Then they tell you when you're on the bum




Holy Rollers and Jumpers come out
And they holler, they jump and they shout
Give your money to Jesus, they say,
He will cure all diseases today

If you fight hard for children and wife
Try to get something good in this life
You're a sinner and bad man, they tell,
When you die you will sure go to hell. ...