Biblitz delivers advise

ASK Biblitz about Christmas Gifts.

... happier and happier. Their heads were ringing like the bells of childhood.

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What should I give my wife for Christmas?

Hey Biblitz,

I usually buy her jewellery, intimate clothing and something practical that she's been asking for. We're both in our mid-50's. Although we've drifted apart romantically over time, we've been together more than 30 years and continue to love each other in a platonic way. The main thing we both care about now are our 17 year old daughter and 21 year old son. Our other interests are quite different. Christmas and birthdays are much more important to her than they are to me. What she receives under the tree can make or break the season for her. Any interesting or creative suggestions for Christmas gifts are much appreciated.

Biblitz replies:

Start her off with a chance at the $1 million prize pool to be paid out if one of PartyPoker's package winners claims the LA Poker Classic 2010 main event title! Then how about a soft pink or blue cashmere sweater that makes you want to hug her. When she puts it on, do! It tells her you still think of her that way, which cheers not only the turtledove but the youngsters, who feel secure in the knowledge that the old people are reliably and cheerfully manacled. If you wanted to supplement it with a smallish jug of eau de parfum (never cologne, forsooth!) of a fragrance YOU like, do. May I suggest, if budget will allow, Annick Goutal? Expensive as hell but each one a wonder. The Biblitz better half may not always look her best, alas, but if she's had a birthday recently, she smells like heaven! Also, and this is crucial, the female of the species places an inordinate (to us men) importance on words - poetry, song lyrics - the more maudlin the better. Select a Christmas card with a msg that describes in lurid, smarmy detail the way you view your journey together thus far. Present the pkg with a fresh Christmas rose - some stores even import peonies at Christmas for a price! - and you should be revelling for some time in the good will extended by a turtledove who has enjoyed the sort of deference such a gift box suggests!

At ease, gentlemen ... for awhile, at least.


Any other Husbands HATE getting gifts during Christmas (or in general)?

This question is more for guys married for over 8 years. I know when you first get married, the gifts are nice, but as the years go on and the gifts suck more and more, you feel like: "Just save your money. If I really wants something, I'll just go out and buy it. Otherwise it just going to be another thing I have to keep around the house and can't throw out". I mean you appreciate the sentiment, but really you would rather they just not buy a gift because most of the time it stuff you don't want or need. Any other husband just aren't into the whole receiving gifts thing? Just wondering since Christmas is so close by.

Biblitz replies:

You sound, sir, like the King of High Dudgeon, seeking ever new opptys and facets of life to which you might apply that jaundiced view of yours!

... Are you hard to know, sir? Are they weary of trying to penetrate that crustacean-like shell to get at the You of you or are you just a confirmed curmudgeon?

If you won't open your face and lay out your hopes and dreams for Christmas for all to see, consider this little-known truism:

Any fool can give anyone a gift of some kind. No magic there at all. The challenge in the transaction is in RECEIVING the gift graciously. Study the gestures of the gift-giver for clues.

Addendum: After giving the matter more thought Biblitz concludes Asker makes a good point. There is nothing quite as insulting as a thoughtless gift, one that demonstrates little knowledge of the intended beneficiary or any inclination to give the matter much thought - gifts, in other words, that reflect the giver's sense of grudging obligation. Biblitz was once the disgruntled recipient of a huge and ungainly package of reading material obtained at one or more of gifter's favorite haunts, places Biblitz would not have been caught dead in. Biblitz has over time forgive this error in judgment but he has not forgotten! Think on these things, o thoughtless ones.


What are some good stocking stuffers for a boyfriend of 4 weeks?

i got him a stocking but what do you put in it? could you please help me out with it? and please don't suggest condoms, or sex toys its just rude but what are cute , cheap ideas you can put in there? and i dont really want to put shavors and tooth paste in it cute cute cute is what im looking for :)pleeassseee help me

Biblitz replies:

Four weeks is far too soon to be proferring such family-ish nonsense. You'll scare him off. The thing to do is to bake him some wonderful Christmas cookies and set them in a tin he'll re-use, contemplating your charms as he does so. Any fool can buy a bunch of slush but home-baked cookies say romance.

Send a few samples to Biblitz, if you like, to see if yours are all they should be! A dozen or so from each batch!


Biblitz hurries home before the ravening hordes of mountain pine beetle from hillbilly-run British Columbia, Canada attack his quarry. Off you go, old horse! Put some mustard in it!


What crust, Christmas angel! It's just a tree, for goodness sake - Nature's handiwork, nothing to do with old Biblitz, surely?

A person's carbon footprint is simply a measure of his contribution to global warming. (CO2 is the best known of the gases that trap heat in the atmosphere, but others - including water vapor, methane, and nitrous oxide - also play a role.) Virtually every human activity - from watching television ot buying a quart of milk - has some carbon cost associated with it. We all consume electricity generated by burning fossil fuels; most people rely on petroleum for transportation and heat. Emissions from those activities are not hard to quantify. Watching a plasma television for three hours every day contributes two hundred and fifty kilograms of carbon to the atmosphere each year; an LCD is responsible for less than half that number. Yet the calculations required to assess the full environmental impact of how we live can be dazzlingly complex. ... A few months ago, scientists at the Stockholm Environment Institute reported that the carbon footprint of Christmas - including food, travel, lighting, and gifts - was 650 kg per person. That is as much, they estimated, as the weight of "one thousand Christmas puddings" for every resident of England. ... (From Big Foot by Michael Specter in the New Yorker Feb. 25/08, pgs. 44-52)

Racing Toward Armageddon

The Three Great Religions and the Plot to End the World


By Michael Baigent

... Rabbi (Chaim) Richman is adamant that there is no possibility of the Messiah's being Jesus. In a reply to a letter on the subject from a fundamentalist Christian, he makes a number of points about the Jewish concept of the Messiah:

Jews do not believe that the Messiah is a part of G-d, or Divine in any way, more than any other person. No indication of this can be found in the Old Testament, since this is not a Jewish concept. ... We do not accept the notion the Scripture "foretells" that G-d would robe Himself in flesh. We believe that this idea is the very embodiment of idolatry, and we must give our lives to make a stand against it. ... The reason why Jews like myself do not accept Jesus as the messiah is a very basic one one - we do not see that he fulfilled any of the requirements for the job. If he never qualified, it is not even a question of rejection. (From The Red Heifer, pgs. 21-22)

Grace Paley

Collected Stories


That afternoon, all over the building, children scraped and scrubbed the turkeys and the sheaves of corn off the schoolroom windows. Goodbye Thanksgiving. The next morning a monitor brought red paper and green paper from the office. We made new shapes and hung them on the walls and glued them to the doors.

The teachers became happier and happier. Their heads were ringing like the bells of childhood. My best friend, Evie, was prone to evil, but she did not get a single demerit for whispering. We learned Holy Night without an error. "How wonderful" said Miss Glace, the student teacher. "To think that some of you don't even speak the language!" We learned Deck the Halls and Hark! The Herald Angels ... They weren't ashamed and we weren't embarrassed.

Oh, but when my mother heard about it all, she said to my father: "Misha, you don't know what's going on there. Cramer is the head of the Tickets Committee."

"Who?" asked my father. "Cramer? Oh, yes, an active woman."

"Active? Active has to have a reason. Listen," she said sadly. "I'm surprised to see my neighbors making tra-la-la for Christmas." ...

Meanwhile the neighbors had to think of what to say too.

Marty's father said: "You know, he has a very important part, my boy."

"Mine also," said Mr. Sauerfeld.

"Not my boy!" said Mrs. Klieg." "I said to him no. The answer is no. When I say no! I mean no!"

The rabbi's wife said, "It's disgusting!" But no one listened to her. Under the narrow sky of God's great wisdom she wore a strawberry-blond wig. (From The Loudest Voice, pgs. 36-37)